he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
