tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
