i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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