dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
