There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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