I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
