I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
