And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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