I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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