he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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