He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
