I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
