Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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