Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
