He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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