i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
