I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
