Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
