You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
