and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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