Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
