We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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