He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
