I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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