My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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