One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
