Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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