he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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