The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
