I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
