I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
