can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
