i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
