Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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