Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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