if you like me you must not know who I am
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
