Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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