He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You pole danced in your parka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
