fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you would pick up someone in the library
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
