WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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