WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
