I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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