Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MIDGETS
????
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
