i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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