I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
