1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
