omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These tits shall not be calmed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
