and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
