just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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