I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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