dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
