the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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